Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Ramblings...

Once more I find myself allowed to be alone with my thoughts...and playing Massive Attack. MA on its own is not a bad thing, not by any stretch. However, me being in the mood I'm in and listening to MA...yeah...not a good combo...

For those that didn't read the previous post, MasQ is no more. For most, this is not news. And for a lot of folks in the know, I have had quite a love/hate with the event. With what exactly, I won't get into here. However, now that it's gone, there is a void. Like part of me is dead or something. It's hard to put it into exact concrete terms...but "void" is the best thing I can think of. I feel like the opportunity to play industrial for the masses is now gone. I'm sure someone out there will think "Well, why don't you start your own night?"

In a perfect world, that would be an option. However, this is far from a perfect world. I gave that a go last year, with all the well wishes and promises of support. Support which I did not get...many people that said they'd be there were nowhere to be found. For those that were, they have my eternal gratitude. The number of listeners of my industrial radio show have been steadily dwindling (yes I know, they haven't been on in a while...this was before the hiatus) with a couple of exceptions...but I'm feeling the industrial scene here in the city is dead...completely dead. And with its demise comes a feeling of being washed-up...like I'm no longer needed...like it's time to hang up the phones...

And yes, I know I've spoken of this before. However, with no prospective gigs coming up anytime soon, this may very well be it. Like this was my last hurrah. Who knows...maybe it should be.

Maybe it's the time of the year...maybe it's because I need to eat...or maybe everything I'm feeling right now is exactly how things are. Like the people that say they're my friends really don't want anything to do with me. Like I'm really alone. Like it wouldn't matter much if I just slipped away and stayed there. The way I'm feeling right now, all of those things are as real as they can be.

And with that, the words that could come close to describing how I'm feeling right now begin to fade. Like I don't even care about finishing this post. In a way, I don't...I guess whatever is ailing me tonight had taken hold fully. And as the opening strands of "Dissolved Girl" come over the speakers I will end this.

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